Managing Urges to Self-Harm: 8 Safe Coping Strategies

Carol Williams-Nickelson, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT), Founder/Partner and Chief Executive Officer

Experiencing the urge to self-harm can be the result of overwhelming emotions, intense psychological pain, or a desire to regain a sense of control when life feels unmanageable. While these urges are often responses to distress, it’s important to remember that they are temporary and there are healthier ways to cope. Having practical, psychologically informed strategies ready in advance can make it easier to respond safely and compassionately when these feelings arise. With the right tools, individuals can find relief and foster resilience without resorting to self-harm.

• Practice grounding techniques: Use your senses to bring yourself into the present moment, such as holding an ice cube, describing your surroundings out loud, or focusing on your breathing.
• Engage in physical activity: Go for a brisk walk, do jumping jacks, or squeeze a stress ball to channel energy in a non-harmful way.
• Use distraction strategies: Watch a favorite TV show, read, play a game, or listen to music that lifts your mood.
• Express emotions safely: Write in a journal, draw, or talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings.
• Develop a coping box: Fill a box with comforting items, positive notes, or reminders of reasons to stay safe, and explore these when urges arise.
• Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that urges are temporary and that it's okay to seek support. Repeat gentle affirmations or self-soothing statements.
• Delay the urge: Set a timer for 10–15 minutes and re-evaluate how you feel when the time is up. Often, the intensity of the urge decreases over time.
• Reach out for support: Contact a mental health professional, call a helpline, or let someone you trust know what you're experiencing.

If you experience urges to self-harm, know that you are not alone—many people face these feelings, and they do not define your worth or strength. Having intrusive thoughts or difficult urges is nothing to be ashamed of; it is a sign that you're struggling and need support, not a failure of character. By choosing to use healthier ways to manage distress, you are showing courage and self-care. Remember, reaching out for help is a powerful act, and there is hope for healing and recovery.Text